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2:38 PM -
Posted by Lily -
So happy about Thanksgiving tomorrow and the chance to see my side of the family in a place other than the hospital. :) My dad spent four days in the hospital last week with some mysterious brain-scrambling illness. He was confused-- like, MAJORLY confused-- and running a fever of 102. High white blood cell count, indicating an infection of some sort-- but they could never find it. I'm just glad my dad's okay now, even if after running every test under the sun they still don't know why that happened. I have a LOT to be thankful for, and indeed I am.
A dozen things for which I'm thankful :- God, who in His infinite measure of mercy and grace chose to send his son into the world that His creation might regain a relationship with Him
- Spouse, who puts up with a ton of craziness from me
- my kids, who also put up with craziness and are the cause of at least a bit of it
- my church, who (for the most part) appreciates Spouse and me
- friends- some old and some new ones- some even virtual bloggy friends
- the chance to return to school after an incredibly long 'semester off' 17 years ago
- extended family-- lots of it
- a vision for what I want to be "when I grow up"
- enough food
- a home I love, even though it's being taken over by dust bunnies lately
- an upcoming family vacation with my mother-in-law and her spouse (yay MIL!), that my kids don't even know about yet-- good thing they never read my blog, huh?
- chocolate (this one probably explains some of my figure issues)
What are YOU thankful for? Leave me a comment and let me know. 
11:25 PM -
Posted by Lily -
Today marks the beginning of Thanksgiving break for me. Ironically, that's what I'm giving thanks for. I'm giving thanks for it because to be blunt, I need the break. I have some reading I need to catch up on and a paper to write and about a million things to do around the house. This break comes at a very welcome time, indeed! When I return, I'll have a week of classes and then finals. So far, I've managed to pull an A in each of my classes. I guess we'll find out if I can continue to say that after finals!
Earlier today, someone commented that I looked overly stressed. With all that has happened in the last few months, it should come as no shock to me that my frayed edges are beginning to show, but I don't like it one bit. I'm praying that I'll be able to catch up on sleep during this break and come back well-rested, refreshed and ready for the last push before the end of the semester!
1:22 PM -
Posted by Lily -
Okay-- look at me, being all dramatic with my title today! But really, I do feel invisible on this campus. Being a non-traditional student is kindof strange that way. While it is true that I have a sixteen-year-old daughter who isn't that much younger than most of the other folks here, it is a strange feeling having people look at me as if I'm their mom. And since most of them are out on their own (relatively speaking-- I'm sure their parents are footing the bill), none of them want to talk to me.
Today I stood outside the Hibbs building, listening to a street preacher. He had five guys with him who were handing out tracts. This is not an unusual sight. It happens at least once a week that someone feels that Schaffer Court is the perfect place to publicly declare the gospel. What interested me most about this whole scenario is the way that everyone in the area was offered a tract-- except me. How weird is that? Does my silver streak indicate that I am too old to receive the gospel message? I stood there for (not kidding) half an hour. I moved around a little-- from one side of the courtyard to the other. Not a single person approached me. I should mention that I don't believe that I am unapproachable, and with the backpack on my shoulders, it SHOULD be obvious that I'm a student here. Yet they ignored me. While I already have Christ in my heart, THEY didn't know that. I could have been just as lost as the guy who tried to
kick the street preacher's step stool out from under him. Yet I was invisible. Just weird. I felt thoroughly marginalized!
I don't like being invisible. I've made a couple of acquaintances on campus, but no real friends. There is no BSU. The Pace Center (for Methodists) was empty on one day and uninviting socially on another day. So I don't even have a place to hang out here. Just the library or the commons. I go to lunch every day by myself because I don't really know a lot of people here-- and no one well enough to say "hey, ya wanna go to lunch with me?"
This is the one thing I absolutely did not expect from going back to school. I've always been a very social person (or at least since about the age of 15). Yet here, it's like I have social leprosy. I'm "that old lady"--- because apparently when you're 20, 37 seems over the hill. I'm doing great in all of my classes. I have an A average. I don't have trouble with the work. But I do feel incredibly lonely here on a regular basis. I feel totally invisible, and while I'm not here primarily to make friends, it would be nice if that could happen too. Maybe if I really was invisible, someone here would notice me-- or at least they would notice that backpack walking down the sidewalk with no one attached.
4:35 PM -
Posted by Lily -
This past few weeks have been filled with Spouse (and his brother) helping his mom pack up her house, both of us helping her move and help clean up the old house to get it ready to go on the market. She needed the help. Her husband is in a sling because of shoulder surgery and she is about to lose her mind not being able to get everything done.
Meanwhile, last night my dad was taken to the hospital for a high fever and for wandering around completely confused with a fuzzy brain. He's still in the hospital and will likely be there for a few days. So far, they've run a CT scan, given him a spinal tap (b/c the initial CT scan showed fluid on his brain that they are now saying isn't there), a midsection ultrasound, some antibiotics given intravenously, lots of blood drawn and lots of other tests taken. His white blood cell count is sky high, indicating an infection, but they don't know where. His legs are also both swollen-- from cellulitis, something he's had problems with before but is apparently unrelated to the other stuff.
Here's the thing..... I'm not ready to be part of the Sandwich Generation-- taking care of kids and aging parents at the same time. While I'm happy to help my in-laws, and to go see my dad in the hospital, I'm not happy about the concerns that swirl around in my head on a regular basis. Three of the four parents have diabetes. At least two have high blood pressure. My MIL has enough diagnoses to keep a doctor busy for a month, and to be honest, I have no clue what's going on with my father-in-law, as he doesn't even let us know when he's in the hospital! What will happen when one of the parents needs daily care? Age is something that creeps up on everyone, but none of our parents is what I would consider aged. Yet it's creeping up quickly, faster than I'd have expected.
I don't remember ordering this sandwich-- being between and having to take care of the generation above and below. While we're not quite there yet (since my mom is taking very good care of my dad in the hospital), I still worry about what's ahead. That's the thing about life, though-- you frequently get what you didn't order, and all you can do is pray that all will be well. I admit I'm worried about my dad. I'm not ready for this kind of thing. Daddies are supposed to be strong and never be in the hospital-- they're supposed to be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound and age is not supposed to catch up with them-- but it does, and it's scary when it happens. I love my Daddy and my prayer is that he recovers quickly and lives long enough to enjoy his great great grandchildren.
2:29 PM -
Posted by Lily -
Today has me thinking about Sand People. No, I'm not talking about the Tuscan nomads from Star Wars like this guy. Instead I'm thinking about those people in your life that get under your skin! Right now I have a pretty annoying sand person in my life. She's rude, she's obnoxious, and she seems to believe that we all are here just to do what she wants. I've never been anything but kind to this woman, but she goes out of her way to either try to boss me around or to snub me entirely. She is like sand in the wrong place in your swimsuit- hard to ignore and downright painful at times!
Before you think it, I should tell you-- no, I haven't forgotten that I'm a pastor's wife. More importantly, I haven't forgotten that I'm a Christian. But is it truly un-Christian to admit that there are certain people who just annoy the snot out of you? I'm absolutely positive that there were people in Jesus' life who more than annoyed him. For instance, he calls the Pharisees a brood of vipers. That's not just a casual, loving nickname-- he really meant that they were like a bunch of serpents. I honestly think Jesus would understand me wishing I could slap a little sense into one person in particular.
Scripture tells us to pray for our enemies. I have prayed ABOUT this woman, as in "Lord, did you see how she treated me?????" or like David who asked God to "break the teeth of my enemies" in Psalm 3:7. While I'm certainly not wishing massive dental pain on this woman, I do sometimes wish she would conveniently go away. I admit I haven't prayed FOR her. There is a difference. Perhaps instead of praying that God would fix her, I need to be praying that God would help me deal with her better-- or even that God would allow me to see her in light of His love.
I recently bought some pearls-- a really long strand of them to loop several times around my neck and look all pretty and fashionably dramatic. They were something I'd wanted for a long time, and when I priced cultured pearls, they were really expensive. So when I came across a mega-sale on an equally long strand of freshwater pearls (not quite what I'd wanted but pretty close), I bought them. 
Why? Because I think they are beautiful. Yet each little pearl started as a single grain of sand within an oyster's shell. Maybe I need to look at this woman not as sand in my swimsuit, but sand in my shell. People like her are helping me develop something beautiful and sought-after, but only if I deal with them in an effective way, not by removing the sand people, but by coating them again and again with God's love and forgiveness until they develop within me a beautiful treasure.
12:52 PM -
Posted by Lily -
Today it's pouring down rain. Has been since sometime during the night. What always makes me giggle is seeing all the people in their rainy day regalia. Some people like me just wear their regular stuff-- maybe bring an umbrella (which I would have done if my son hadn't taken it inside when he cleaned out the van.. .oops!). Personally, I'm just trying to stay warm and dry, which is quite well accomplished with my well-lace tennis shoes and my hoodie, so long as I don't stand under any drain pipes, of course. But some people go all out. Some want to show off just how good they look in that yellow rain slicker-- or their zebra striped Wellys. I even saw a lady today wearing her shiny black trench-coat rain slicker, trying her best to look like something out of The Matrix. I suppose I shouldn't have giggled, but I admit I did. This lady looked like a mild-mannered school marm, all dressed up on a day designed for ducks.
10:36 AM -
Posted by Lily -
This morning, I got up cranky. Spouse was apparently also cranky. Got out of the house early (Yay), almost hit a deer and a few miles later ran into massive traffic (not literally-- didn't crash the car or anything). Needed to go to the bank because I was flat out of cash, and thinking that they opened at eight, I was quite surprised when the door was firmly locked. (They open at nine, DUH!) As I was backing out of my parking space, I realized I'd parked up too close because my front spoiler made this horrifying *scrape*thonk* noise. Got to school and realized I'd either left my cell phone at home somewhere, though I was certain it was in my jacket pocket, or I've managed to lose it between home and school. Parked the car and had to walk a mile to class. Got to class, took my exam, and I missed at least two questions. This is in a class where prior to this test I had a 100 average. So that's gone. *sigh* Because the exam only took twenty minutes, I went to the bank again and got caught up in traffic, almost had an accident, and had a hard time finding a parking space. Significantly late to my ten o'clock class because of the traffic and the parking space issue-- and that particular professor gets really mad when you're late so I missed that class. I have somewhat of a headache and I just looked in my bag for Advil-- you guessed it-- none in there. I'm having a Monday, no doubt about it, and it's not even midday!
Alright y'all-- this is where I need you to leave me a comment and tell me the rest of the day will be better. Someone??? I'm just off-kilter today and I don't like it one bit!
