There is nothing I need to do for school. I'm in between semesters. There are a million projects to do on the house, but I don't feel like doing any of them. My kids are growing up, and it would almost seem that they have outgrown the need to have a mom around. (That last one is making me a bit sad.) They DO need me, but they are all crazy-busy with her own agendas of things to do, particularly the 18-year-old who just graduated. Spouse has also been incredibly busy, leaving me feeling a bit turned around. Suddenly I have almost nothing to do (except for the projects that I mentioned that I work very hard at avoiding, apparently). I just feel like I've somehow lost my place in my own home, and I don't know what to do about it.
Add to that the fact that (again) VCU has left me hanging when it comes to financial aid, and you have a very mixed-up lady on your hands! What I mean is that it's now mid-June, and I've heard NOTHING from VCU about whether or not I get any kind of financial aid for the upcoming year. NOTHING. If I don't receive financial aid, I can't go this fall. It's as simple as that. We just don't have the money to pay for school, so if I don't get what I need in terms of financial aid, then I'll have to take a semester off and work so that I can go back and finish my final semester of my Bachelor's degree and graduate in the Spring, instead of in December. This has me completely agitated, and while I could call the school up and fuss at them, it will do no good whatsoever. They will get to it when they get to it-- even if that's not until November.
AND because I decided to take a semester off between Bachelor's and Master's degrees, Spouse decided that maybe HE should go back to school during that break. The thing is, he'd need to go for more than a semester, so seminary is temporarily on-hold for me.... if I can even finish my bachelor's to begin with. There just is no way we can both be in school at the same time, from a time and a money standpoint.
The long and the short of it is that things are not going like I expected, and it's left me feeling utterly confused. I feel like I'm floating out to sea, un-anchored and out of my comfort zone. There are entirely too many question marks on my life right now, and I don't like it one bit! Fortunately, those question marks are not question marks to the one who has a greater perspective than I have. God stands back, and He knows what's going on. I simply need to trust Him to lead. If I have to take a semester off before getting my Bachelor's, God is not surprised. I just wish He'd let ME know so that I can make plans and do what needs to be done.
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